Hey all-

I won't go into the whole messy story but I received a phone call this morning that my ex wandered off yesterday morning from his home between 5AM and 6 AM and has not been seen since. He is mentally ill and not terribly aware of danger. The police are officially notified and trying to find him~

Just asking for prayers for his safety & return to his home

Thanks,
~Ren

Humeur actuelle: sad

Happy birthday to you

HAPPY BIRTHday to YOU

HAAAAAAAPPYYYYY BIIIIIIRTHDAY DEAR Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Happy BIRTHday tooooooooooooo yoooooooooooouuuuuuuu!

~and many mooooore...

(Sorry I m late. We are sick with the flu.)

Humeur actuelle: sick

Happy birthday to Kat

Happy Birthday TO Kat

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT

Happy birthday toooooooooooo yooooooooouuuuu

(an many moooooooooore...)




Much love from us to you, we miss you dearly and hope to catch up with you soon!

Humeur actuelle: accomplished

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/20/health/20mind.html?em&exprod=myyahoo

Humeur actuelle: thoughtful

Happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy BIRTHday DEAR PAAAUUUUUULLLLLAAAAA

Happy birthday toooooooooooooo yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu~

Love us!

Humeur actuelle: sleepy

Hey all!

Been a bit since I did this. I admit it- I cop to being caught up in the world that is facebook. It has games. And I like games. I have never denied being easily amused.

{8op...

Deborah loves the ones that you can shop in. As Auntie Paula (MamaBeast for those of you that don't know) tells it that makes her a third generation shop-a-holic... Which considering how fast she blows through her monthly allowance in said games might be (fairly certain is) true. I would do the whole denial thing here but I am sooo not Cleopatra. I cant wear those clothes. Funny how things like that happen, eh? I am hooked on the Uno, she likes the Pets that you can dress up and go visiting other pets.

These things take time, you know? And before you know time has slipped right through your fingers. An hour goes by, day, a week, a month- gone before you know it.

ANYway...

I decided that today while I drink coffee and wrap my mind around the thought of being awake during the daylight hours I would put a note up here. Only, I have spent so much time on FB lately there isn't much to report.

Really.
Just.
WOW.

Its distressing. I used to have hours logged on here at the journal or writing but I was being creative. Writing my poems, stories and my normal sarcas-acid criticisms of life and love in general. My humor was practically born to the mix of random play on windows media player (who doesn't love the itty bitty control option in the toolbar? SQUEE!) which at any given time has four or five different peoples music on it. I have the music playing on random, its cycling through Claudete's playlist of hiphop/hard rap; Toni Childs-Keep The Faith; Supertramp-Paris & Greatsest Hits; Barrage-High Strung; Big Band Classics; Burrell.DeAngelo's stuff. In the middle of the night...

All to wake the neurons.
Get those synapses firing.

Fight the lull!

I haven't been able to bring myself to delete the pages. The Mobile, The Blog Lists, The MySpace, the Twitter, The Facebook, The Live Journal, The three email accounts with a dozen mailing lists each. Its like I am that kid that is afraid to miss anything and is so torn in a million directions that I am frozen. WHat is it? Why am I hooked? Why do I sit here? When the hell did this become so important? How did I become tethered to these things? The people are out there! Outside of my door! Where did these chains come from?

Must return to thinking.
Independant thoughts.

Fight the lull!

My brain is shrinking. My ass is growing. My breath is more shallow. My heart is slower. This monitor is no substitute for the depth of your eyes over a steamy cup of coffee. Or Dinner. Is this stuff suffocating me? Am I fading away into the lull of technology? Its so easy. Just connect. A few minutes here. A few hours there. Connect. Contact.

What do these words really mean?
Where is my revolution now?

Fight the Lull!

I want to start a new revolution.
I want to take the long way home.

I want to fight the lull!

Humeur actuelle: restless

Is it wrong that I am looking forward to work tonight because Slapshot is on? I own the movie and really do prefer it uncensored... But am curious as to what its going to be like. Never watched it bastardized before. Maybe I should take my copy and do a side by side/play by play comparison...

They are re running a Leverage tonight too. Didnt see which one. Ah Decisions... Decisions...

And speaking of that show Paula-

I had this (I think its) amusing idea for a vid. Put FHB fight scenes to BOC's Godzilla.

so ANY way...

Deborah put her breakfast in the dog kennel this AM and then bald face lied to me about it. Like I am not gonna know that the food she was whinning about for 15 minutes suddenly became yummy and she ate it up. Why does she think I am stupid? WHYWHYWHY! *headdesk*

Maybe I have let her get away with too much stuff. I am going to have to break out the scary tales I think. Nose boy is one... WHat are some of the others that have to do with lying?

I am blanking now.

Humeur actuelle: frustrated

I remember way back... a long,long time ago in a galaxy far away.

I was in my first "rock band" (read-cover band)and I was really inexperienced with the genre. our drummer wanted to do the song by neil young, 'like a hurricane'. She was a HUGE young fan, and I wasn't. I remember messing it up on purpose cause I just hated the bass lines. They were boring. About the equivalent of listening to a monotone speaker on a two hour rant. I didn't get it then. Never really heard the words. Never stopped long enough to.

So, this is where I tell you, I am truly sorry.

I was too caught up in my own self back then to grasp the relation or inter-relation between the way a song can be sung for millions of people and still be so personal, so just for you. Hell, I'd trouble with relating period. My part was boring and that's all I knew. All I cared about. I was wrong. About the songs, about the world revolving around me. About a lot of stuff. Time has passed and I can't play anymore but love music too much to cut it out of my life. And I heard that song again recently.

Isn't it funny how time and experience can change your point of view? I still hear the worlds most boring and predictable bass line- but I finally hear the rest of the song now too. And I admit it. You were right, it is a most excellent song.

Humeur actuelle: nostalgic

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090915/ap_en_ce/us_obit_swayze

Humeur actuelle: sad

I was checking this page out, looking at some pics from Leverage (on TNT) that were linked to from twitter ( its J Rogers' blog) and thought to myself, "Paula will want that hat..."

http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2009/09/ladies-and-gentlemen.html (scroll down)


So, Paula...

Do you want that hat?






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cabbage, kee BASA and veggies tonight. Need recipes for corned beef.

Humeur actuelle: chipper

So, its been bugging me. The whole myspace/facebook obsession. This underlying tug to be on here. Not out and about. To be connected online by being disconnected in person got in under my radar... Basta. tellin ya...

*sigh*

Havent decided yet.

Its a beautiful waste of time though, init? Part of it is that whole kid thing of being afraid to miss something. But am I really missing something by canceling my accounts or am I missing something by having all these accounts.

Cabin in the mountains. A fishing pole. A bow.

I'd be good.

Huh. Shit.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Monarch" XC-NN

[I'm Just Saying Everybody Is People, Except Me;
i'm The Monarch]

the Wall Is High
there Is A Moat
and For My Sins
they Gave Me A Boat
i'm In The Water
the Sails Are Full
drawbridge Down
i Have No Rope
[Be Not Part Of The Accident]

you Name It
i've Done It
don't Go Out
don't Go To Bars
check Your Pockets
it's Probably In There
don't Be A Part Of The Accident
i Am The Monarch
i Am The King

the Wall Is High [That's A Mirage]
there Is A Moat
and For My Sins [That's A Mirage]
they Gave Me A Boat
there I Sit
badly Coked
eyeballs Slit [That's A Mirage]
i Choke
not Quite Bedridden
but Just About Ill
[Be Not Part Of The Accident]

you Name It
i've Done It
don't Go Out
don't Go To Bars
check Your Pockets
it's Probably In There
don't Be A Part Of The Accident
i Am The Monarch
i Am The King

[You Got A Run, Aborigine, Original Father
with Passion, Emotion, Reason And Intent
in Order To Run You Got To Cook
in Order To Cook You Got To Have A Fire
in Order To Have A Fire You Got To Belong
i'm Just Saying Everybody Is People, Except Me;
i'm The Monarch]

you Name It
i've Done It
don't Go Out
don't Go To Bars
check Your Pockets
it's Probably In There
don't Be A Part Of The Accident
i Am The Monarch
i Am The King

Humeur actuelle: frustrated

boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored


And damn it I am trying to enjoy it. While I can. But
i
AM

boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Humeur actuelle: cranky

Ok...

Maybe I am just pissy because I missed Leverage tonight. Had my hands full earlier with some buisness here at work and just couldnt get there.

OR... Maybe its the mind set of how I grew up. In and around the stages of musicals, operas and other various productions.

But heres the thing, I didnt get to the tele until 45 minutes of Leverage was passed and I hate watching the end of TV shows when I know I missed good stuff. So I started channel surfing. And I came across the end of Star Wars:Return of the Sith. You know, the really touching scene towards the end where the princess chick pops out Luke and Laura (No wait thats another show) I mean Luke and Leia. And then says to the Obie dude- "there is good in him..."

And I just gotta know if I am the only one in the world that started humming that song from West Side Story. You know Sgt Krupke? The chorus part?

'There is good, there is good,
There is untapped good!
Like inside, the worst of us is good!'

Really- we could do like the star wars version of WSS. OHOHOH or the WSS version of Star Wars.

Come on. I cant be the only one.

Hello?

Anyone?

Humeur actuelle: amused

LOL- really. Thats what it is. Why I am stuck in this holding pattern? Cause I dont have an anthem.

*shaking head*

Dont know why I didnt see it earlier.

See, there is this really amazing song and there are all these accounts of how there are all these women touched by her song, moved to the point of making a break for it. After years of living in the shadow of the abuse.

So, damn it. I dare you. Write me a song.

That will get me out of the shadow of how someone I loved so completely for so many years can disintagrate into the person who stalks, chokes, hears voices and thinks the "man" is paying me to spy on him. No wait. The last time he caught up and cornered me I was possesed by satan. Roll the dice- even on his meds it changes all the time.

*grrr*

I'm sorry. I had "The BAD dream" again. *shudder* Brings out the worst in me. I dont mean to be moody, controlling and cynical. The whole raw joke thing is my version of self defense. My smoke screen. At least I am funny. Or so people tell me.

Can I have "the GOOD dream" now please? Or at least another cup of coffee?

Here is the song refered to BTW:


This man i married is buried deep
And the more i try to wake him, the more he sleeps
I used to think i knew this man
The tenderness, not the back of his hand

It's been two weeks since he last had a drink
But the time bombs ticking, i can never sleep
It would be easier if he did
Why do you stay here, stay with him?

Why do you do it?
Why do you treat us bad?
When you've got two kids that love you
And a wife that's missing you bad
I've got to go now
I've got to say goodbye
Don't try to stop us now
And please don't you cry
Can't you see. we've all been through it
It's all been said before
With all these fears,
For how many years can i keep coming
Back for more
No more

Must be addicted to all this pain
Cause i keep coming back for the shame
Dear god give me the strength to leave
I've got to keep going, keep going this time

Don't try to stop us now
Don't pull that stuff on me
I've got the kids all packed up
Harry's in the back with his pick up truck
Jenny's fallen asleep again
I've got to keep driving till i reach the end

I can't come back here anymore
And i know it
And i know it
I can't come back here anymore
And i know it
And i know it

Toni Childs-I've Got To Go Now- off House of Hope

Humeur actuelle: annoyed

That is what I should have. Tech for special people...

I have been saying it for a long time. I'd really, really like to blame my technical issues on the fact that "They" just don't build things to last anymore. But when you get right down to the fine point of it, strip away all the bullshit and fluff? Cell phones and other small portable devices and I have a patently ugly track record. And as I am fond of saying at others quirks~ I don't just have a couple issues- I've the full fucking subscription.

Mp3 players?

*snort*

I have been through a few of the iPoo's, and aren't they very sturdy, eh? Three different Sony's, a handful of made in ~insert far-middle-near eastern country name here~'s. I found one I fell in LOVE with called a Longhorn M18. Played every format known to man including vids, recorded off the tele, played to the tele used standard SD memory so all you had to do was change the cards... It was AWESOME. Unfortunately, it succumbed to gravity and a hard left turn with a side of open car window. I didn't realize when I bought it it could fly. But it did... Right out the GD window. Even though it was day glo orange I never did find it. I am currently abuse testing the Creative Zen 4Gb... So far it has passed several bounce tests and one submersion test. The clock is ticking... Oops...

And then there are the phones... Oh. The. Phones.

I've had the Tracfones, the Net10 phones, Verizon phones, SimpleFreedom phones, AT&T phones, Sprint phones. They all died. Most them died painful deaths. (Mwahahaha) And I have to admit to cruel and unusual treatment of them all. I freely admit it- I am a phone abuser. Torturer even.

There was that first one that went flying out of my pocket when I pulled my car keys out. Skidded about fifty feet across the parking lot. Bounce test=fail... Then the one that I ran over with my car. It still worked but you had to hold it just so otherwise not only did it hang up on you but you got a nasty ass shocks too. Durability test= FAIL. Oh, and then you can't forget the one I had in my pocket when I sat on the toilet? I flushed before I realized where it was. Not that I was all that keen to pull it out but I did flush. Repeatedly. Before it came out. Water test=FAIL. OHOHOH- and then when I worked at the animal care job? There was the one that took my whole purse with it when it committed suicide into the bleach/sterilizer bucket. Did you know that bleach water at some ratios could melt plastic? I would have taken a picture but the camera was in the phone... Chemical resistance test=FAIL.

My new low?

The clothes washer. Oh. And BTW - LOL -

Clothes Washer Spin Cycle test= FAIL.

*sigh*

It really is a love/hate thing I have with my geekdom. For the record I prefer to usually roll old school. On the one hand, the frequent destruction is one of the primary reasons that I have up to date tech. On the other hand. I rather like being hard to find. We aren't meant to be on call 24/7. Its not natural. I don't like feeling the tech tether. Of needing some kind of home base to recharge the gizmos. Needing to recharge used to mean something entirely different. It required beer, friends and music... Now? Just one more way that we can be less of an individual and more of a sheep.

I have to have one for emergencies with ma petite and work. And I JUST got this one.



Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

Humeur actuelle: amused